I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There r osticjed everywhere
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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