If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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