I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
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I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
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Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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