Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
