If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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