Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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