I skipped work to stalk him.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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