I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
