Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
