Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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