I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize