yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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