He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
