I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
