Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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