I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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