i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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