i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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