My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
