I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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