i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
