ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
