I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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