oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
