I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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