A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just invented taco cereal.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
