So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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