I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
