I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
