Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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