I'm gonna have a badass scar
That's intense
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
be right there i have to get my cape
Randomize
