No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
