I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
