nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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