The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
