You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
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stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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