her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
