oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
