I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
