A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize