Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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