Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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