Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
