I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We named our party play list daddy issues
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
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It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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