No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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