I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
