The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
