Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
