nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
