You can't motorboat a personality
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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