I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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