turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
