just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
