Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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