TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
