Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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