I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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