if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
