Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
