yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
