good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
