i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
