hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
