yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
