Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
